Monday, November 27, 2006

Saturday, November 25, 2006

O snow...

Oh, Le Pauvre Sweatsuit. This morning we woke up to several inches of snow. It would figure, she said to me, since you are filling in for someone else at work this morning. Yes, we all know what this means. Shovel shovel. Sweep sweep. The shovelin's all right, but the sweepin just ain't no good. Ah well. Made me feel like watching Christmas movies...but this will have to wait till November noveling's end.

After work I went straight to the Good Food Store for junk food to write by. After all, if you're gonna go junk, it might as well be organic. So, I loaded up on carob raisins (you sneer, but I love), papaya spears, walnuts, Hansen's vanilla cola and Annie's mac 'n cheese. I nearly got some tofu pups to accompany Annie on a gastronomical journey into organic white trash-land, but I decided to forego. (I forewent?)

I took an intense nap (complete with nightmares about being locked in a prison tent with two creepy adolescent boys and a knife...luckily, I escaped) and awoke with messy eyebrows. Let me tell you, this is a feat for me, because I don't have much to mess up. The other day I suggested to my mother that I was going to try using Rogaine to grow more eyebrow hairs, but she warned me they would fall out after 48 hours of discontinued use (of Rogaine, not eyebrows). I just don't think I can commit to being a Rogaine lifer at this point, so skimpy brows it must be.

Well this, ladies and gents, is how one procrastinates writing a novel.

me and the sweat(snow)suit

Friday, November 24, 2006

Thankful, but...?

I came across this picture that I think I drew while sitting on a park bench in Seattle. (Speaking of which...Pal, I miss you way way too much.) I don't know that it has a whole heap of a lot to do with what I'm writing about this morning (whatever that is), but I was feelin' it, so here we are.

It's funny how quickly my thankful heart turns prodigal. I'm still thankful, but...for some reason all I can get my mind around right now is grabbing a friend (or a knight in shining RV), packing up my life, tossing it into a film-, yarn- and tootsie pop-loaded vehicle, and hitting the road in search of sunshine and untold stories.

Have you ever felt like you're at a fork in the road? Not the kind you face every time you turn around to make a decision, but the kind that will completely sever you and your sheepish pants in two if you don't make up your mind right now? The scariest thing to me is that not deciding is a decision in itself. Passivity is scary. But so is passion. I wish I knew what is right.

I wonder what the prodigal was thinking the night he was packing his things. Did he justify his departure by saying he was not really living life in the safe confines of his father's house? That it was better to seize life while he was young than wait for an inheritance when he was old? Is this me? Because frankly, I'm terrified of the neat little life in the neat little house. Of the 9 to 5. Of the mom who one day says I wish I'd never married. I'm terrified of wasting my gifts. I finally wake up from years of wanting to die, and now I'm terrified I'll sleepwalk through life.

I guess the first test of a prodigal heart is to ask whether I am all about the me and now. God, help me to be wise to myself. Plant me where I'll bear good fruit. Help me when all I see around me is dirt and seeds.

Reading back through, I realize I may sound like a) I am wanting to turn my back on my Father and b) Wifedom and motherhood are hovering in frilly pink ribbons just above my reluctant lap. Neither is true. I'm just not sure where my place in this world is right now.

I'm still thankful for...anyone who actually reads my ranty rambles, Bernice (the cat, not the bakery)'s muffins, lip gloss, senses of humor, genuine diversity, thriftshops, local celebrities, fortune cookies, natural fibers, and sincere hearts.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Count up your blessings, and find someone to share them with. I guarantee you'll get more back.

Here's my inventory of blessings for the no particular order...good health, good job, soft bed, warm house, hot showers, clean(ish) clothes, abundant food, abundant water, abundant free time, sunlight, night, sleep, dreams, letters, prayer, things that make me cry, foreign cultures, voices, places I've never been, mountains, pastures, cows, trails, dogs, tulips, sunflowers, color, rain, leaves, trees, Africa, snowmen, holidays, Bible studies, yarn, toilets that flush, The Sweatsuit, mom, dad, sisters, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, cat-niece, neighbor, wonderboss, friends here and friends there, hugs, beauty, truth, hope, joy, grace, forgiveness, smiles from friends, smiles to strangers, tears shared and tears alone, emptiness, fullness, laughter, stories, seasons, sounds, smells, scenes, music, old movies, good books that make mine look bad, guitars, pianos, children, old people, everlasting life, expressions, photographs, mystery, wonder...People I've never met. Jesus. Love that comes and goes. Love that never changes.

Well, I should probably go help my mom with dinner now. There is just no end to the blessings I have to be thankful for...externally, internally, and eternally (as I learned on Sunday). Therefore, I hereby deem it mandatory that everyone who reads this leave a comment with at least 8 things listed that they are blessed by. Come on, you know it will be fun.

That's it for now, friends. Chances are, if you know me at all, I'm probably thinking of you today, thanking God for you, and missing you. Take care.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Good Fruit

So I have this friend who just discovered pomegranates...The kid pretty much lives pomegranates now. Can't go a day without at least one. Can't stop talking about them. He's like the ambassador of pomegranates, sharing his love of them with everyone he knows. I find this very cool because a) Pomegranates are great, and b) There's something so right about enjoying the fruit of the season.

I feel like this is God's message for me these days. Summer may be over, yes, but life's winter bears a fruit all its own. Will I trust Him to sustain me with the fruit of whatever season I'm in? Will I rejoice in it...knowing that the season will pass and I may not always be able to enjoy the particular blessings that it brings? Friendship, creativity, free time, special lessons...God, help me to trust and rejoice in Your provision for each season, and to share the fruit of it with others. Help me never to waste or complain or wish for whatever is not in season for me.