Friday, April 29, 2005

May Day

It's weird to think that as I go to work tonight, it's April, but when I get off it will be May. So, happy May Day everyone! I wish I could put flowers on all your doorsteps, ring your doorbells and run away. I guess I'll have to post this picture instead.

Tot bought me these flowers 2 weeks ago and they're still hangin' on! Crazy!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Room With a View

Did you all catch that sunset last night?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Shopping Woes

Boy and I went to Super Wal-Mart today. He desperately needed to pick up the World Poker Tour on DVD and I had been promising M.E. that I would buy some toilet paper for work. I think that store must be strategically designed to get you lost and make you forget what it was that you needed. I know those big aisle markers are supposed to help and all, but come on, who calls it "bath tissue"? Then they stash it in the total opposite corner from all the other bathroom supplies--way back with the orange juice and cheese. I guess that makes a fair amount of twisted sense, but personally I think it's done so you have to walk by all those other things you forgot that you needed--like tootsie rolls and onesies. Anyway, at one point, Boy and I got separated and when I found him again, he was pointing gape-mouthed toward a display. When I fixed my eyes on the object of his attention, I saw shelves of hydrocortisone cream with a handwritten sign reading, "GOT RASH?". Beautiful.

So, sometimes getting separated from your shopping partner in the jungles of Wal-Mart is a good thing...but one time Fella and I got separated in the old Wal-Mart and missed the bus twice and his brother had to come pick us up because the Corsica was out of order and WOW...It's the closest I'd ever seen him come to being downright angry. Fear the Red Fury...that's all I'm sayin'...Incidentally...Boy never did find his DVD...and does anyone know where the heck they hide the non-Chapstick chapstick in that store?

Monday, April 25, 2005

Letter to a Long Lost Friend

Dear Long Lost Friend,

I know I promised myself that I would stop writing to you, but when, in my online wanderings, I stumble upon those words which echo in my head and remind me of a friendship lost, how can I not respond? Besides, you yourself made the challenge (although perhaps not to me) to be more honest and carefree in ourselves like children who don't know enough to care what others think is cool. I'm tired of holding back when that voice inside says, "Stop now, before you make a fool of yourself". Whose voice is that anyway? Whoever it is must be friendless and bitter and crippled from fear. If we could see it, would we ever listen to it? I lost too many people I loved last year to waste any more time on that voice. I'm so thankful for the chances I had to love them, but man, if I could go back, I'd say and do so much more. So what about now? What about you? (That pesky voice is at it again, but I have temporarily silenced it with the thought that you will probably never read this anyway). So, brace yourself. I'm about to go Hallmark...

I want you to know how special you are to me. Not because you have aspirations toward fame, and I have your autograph (ha!) and not just because you happened to come along when my world was turning upside down, but because there is a depth and intensity to you that's so rare. Ironically, those qualities you say you lack--honesty and the ability to move people--are the very ones I admired in you. Maybe it's the loss of those qualities which concerns you. If so, then it concerns me too.

There's another quality, however, which I can tell by your words that you haven't lost: a curiosity toward eagerness to know and understand it. You made it easy to stay up late chasing random thoughts and dreams...even when the buttcrack of dawn loomed large. You had this strange mix of innocence and worldy wisdom which I've yet to find twice. Others might possess one and imitate the other, but with you it seemed genuine..and honest. I would so hate to see you force ignorance upon yourself in the name of "true love" and bliss. I can see why you might argue that knowledge (and the neverending pursuit thereof) takes us further away from the ability to move and be moved by others, but I think this is only true when learning ceases to be the means to an end and becomes the end itself. If you're simply hoarding knowledge for knowledge's sake, then you're right, it's useless. If, on the other hand, your pursuit of knowledge stems from passion, then it seems it could only enhance your ability to move others. Maybe knowledge is only useful in so far as it affects the heart. Maybe learning is just the way we feed our lives and too much unexercised knowledge just makes our minds fat. Maybe some people numb themselves with knowledge buffets and develop mental eating disorders that mask a deeper problem. Maybe these food analogies are just a result of me being hungry...

I don't know what I hope to accomplish by saying all of this, but it's been on my mind for a long long time and things keep coming up which remind me. Maybe there's hope in knowing what you meant to me--a practical stranger. Maybe if I can just make you see that there is love in your life that will always be there--of family and friends and practical strangers...of a God you may or may not believe in--then it would free you up to take the risks that living honestly requires. Maybe kids are more apt to take these risks because they trust in the love that they have--love which doesn't depend on image or first impressions..which doesn't threaten rejection..which they know will still be there at the end of the day. I don't know. Maybe kids just don't know what looking foolish really looks like. But do any of us...really? This everyday love is what makes us complete and teaches us who we are. If you can accept and develop it, then you'll be ready to take a risk when true love comes along. Of course, I'm only guessing here because I've yet to find it, but I think that true love begins where the need for it leaves off. Necessity leaves little room for choice and the "love" it produces is at best gratitude and at worst resentment (not unlike the "machine love" you spoke of).

Well K-Doll, that's all I've got for now. Except another attempt to say good-bye. You're loved and missed and even though you've heard it a thousand times, I'm here for you (albeit a few thousand miles away). Love to dad and grandma as well.


P.S. If I may be allowed to wax Dr. Phil (hmm)...Determine what really matters to you and chase after it. Spreading yourself thin is okay at times, but don't give the world a watered-down you...Oh, and I was only requesting to "wax Dr. Phil" the way one requests permission to "wax poetic". I'm just trying to cover my backside for the inevitable moment when someone says, "Who does she think she is? Dr. Phil??"...which is perhaps not so inevitable considering the slim odds that someone will read to the end of this letter. Just for the record, I have no designs on Dr. Phil's body hair.

P.S. x 2 You should totally consider me for that guitar position in the band. I play a mean Black Sabbath. You can just ask my one-time teacher who shares your first name and is making an RVA stop on his whirlwind tour. No. Seriously. He rocks. I don't.

Anyone else care to join a one-sided conversation on love and life--and Dr. Phil?

Friday, April 22, 2005

Gone is The Hip(pie) Strip?

Sightings of girls in jeans and stilettos have certainly skyrocketed since Jules Modeling and Talent Agency moved in downstairs. If being hot means caving to that trend, then for once I'm glad I'm me. The road to righteous-babe-dom may well be paved and unpaved with the mini pot holes of local "It" girls, but frankly, I'm all about the sneaks.

Incidentally, did anyone else read that article in the Independent? This is my favorite part. "..their mission is, according to their brochure, 'to provide aspiring talent with the tools to further their personal presentation. Whether they go on to be famous, land that dream job, or become a politician, we believe that beauty radiates from the inside out.' To that end, the sisters incorporate nutrition, fitness, skin care and makeup advice into their services."

And in regards to this whole The "It" Girl show...I love my job, but man, I miss out on all the good stuff!

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Say It Ain't So!

Wouldn't you know that the one day I skip the results show is the day my boy, Anwar, gets booted off of Idol. I suppose it's just as well because I was having a pretty hard day and that just might have done me in. I can't help feeling somewhat responsible for the man's demise. I only voted 20 times instead of the usual 80. Now to console myself, I'll just have to play a little Earth, Wind and Fire and get #1 Anwar-lookalike-dancealike Sister to come over...or else roll out the Anwar archives...heh heh...wha-at?

I must say, in defense of the day, that the time spent not watching Anwar get the boot was well spent indeed. Tot and I went to the middle school band concert of the 6th grader that she does therapy with. G.'s band opened their set with La Cucaracha (Beware: audiolink), which of course rocked, but the highlight for me was a lively choral tribute to Aretha Franklin, complete with one lone brainy-looking little boy who good-sport-edly sang "You make me feel like a natural woman" with the best of 'em. The only thing louder than the music heard that night was the tick tick ticking of my biological clock.


All right, quitters. No, I'm kidding. Those were some pretty fabulous guesses (at my expense). The answer is...

I spent the afternoon making raspberry mead with the ghost of Boy! I think this step is called racking the mead. We were trying to siphon out the raspberry (aka hamburger) floaties with some contraband surgical tubing. Word on the street is, this batch might be pretty good. If all goes well in the aging department, we may be toasting the Oscar Party 2006 with a bit of the bubbly (okay, maybe not technically "the bubbly", but it's pinkish, sweet and sparkling, so split not the hairs). Cheers!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Anyone care to guess how I spent my day? (No cheating if you know already).

Monday, April 18, 2005

Deep Thoughts II: Mixing My Metaphors

Today I had the daunting task of seeking out a veritable stranger and saying, "If the offer still stands, I'll take that moon". Pretty scary, but worth it. I may never see that haphazard promise fulfilled, but at least I can look myself in the mirror (and Tot in the eye) and say that for once, I took a risk, seized the day, and made a little room in my life for one crazy opportunity. I have a feeling that this is only the beginning of the limb-crawling fear-facing life God is calling me to...and that's okay by me. Life is so much better when He is in the driver's seat.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Happy Birthday, Dad!

I'm so lucky to have you for my dad. I hope that I age as well as you--which is to say, not at all. Keep telling those "dad" jokes that show your canines and your dimple--the one I didn't steal. I love you.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Hi-Ho! Hi-Ho! And All That Rot

Can it really be Friday already? Someone rescue me from this Groundhogs Week (Month...Year) that is my life. Yesterday I choked so hard on my morning tea that what didn't go straight up my nose spewed out of my mouth in a fine little puddle on my floor. Today my throat is sore and coughy. I've been having trouble swallowing lately. Perhaps it has something to do with the midnight jumproping sessions that Boy and I have started. No. It started before then. Rats. I'm always looking for a chance to blame life's troubles on my come-and-go good habits.

Well, I guess I'd better pack for a weekend of work-fun. If anyone feels like visiting me.............Oh, and YES! YOU KNOW I'M DOWN FOR A PAGEANT DRESS-UP PARTY ON MONDAY!!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The Simpler Life

I am terribly excited. Tonight my friend B, who I haven't seen since her "bachelorette party" that turned into an intervention for me waaay back when I was a workaholic, is coming over for homemade pizza and some good old "reality" tv. By "reality" I mean, American Idol with bits of The Simple Life and America's Top Model thrown in. Whose reality is that? Certainly not ours, which is why it's worth watching, I guess.

Here's hopin' Anwar steers clear of the bottom three and Paris and Nicole don't come down with a flesh-eating bacteria.

Note from Tot: Beauty pageant alert on Monday!!

Friday, April 01, 2005

The Saddest Thing

I had hoped it was just a lousy April Fool's prank, but I guess not.